On Friday, I was driving on the freeway after dropping my daughter off at a bouldering class (this was spring break week for them) when I suddenly knew that something was not right with my car. I managed to pull off the freeway and limp to a nearby residential street, where I discovered that one of my tires was shredded1. I checked my watch and realized I was supposed to be in a meeting at work in less than 20 minutes. I sat in my car and took a deep breath. It felt like there was a 50/50 chance I’d either burst into tears or start hysterically cackle laughing.
On the one hand, a flat tire is not the end of the world. I have roadside assistance, we have a car place we trust to do repairs, this is a problem that ultimately was solved by throwing money at it.
On the other hand, seriously? This was what this week needed? Really, universe?
As I sat in my car and waited for roadside assistance2 I got a well-meaning message (from someone who I know cares about me) that immediately set my teeth on edge. It wasn’t “everything happens for a reason” but it was in that general genre of comments. The vibe is meant to be supportive… but is really just telling you to suck it up and stop feeling sad/stressed/tired/etc.
Even though I’m someone who skews toward optimism and making plans and getting shit done (I support a sad feelings wallow, I’m just not always great at letting myself do it), being told that something that currently felt like hard thing isn’t actually really a hard thing was annoying.
I sent a screenshot of the message to a group chat and was instantly reminded of one of the very best ways that people who live far away can show love: immediately and emphatically getting annoyed with a stranger on your behalf.
I sat in my hobbled car and laughed out loud as my friends sent several all caps messages about the annoying message I got. The tone was very “we ride at dawn; your honor will be avenged” and it was both validating (yes, it WAS annoying) and very funny.
By the time I was rolling to the repair shop on the donut tire, I was already feeling better.
In the midst of a tough week, I’m holding on to the small, good things that have made me laugh or feel loved. I’m once again feeling full hearted gratitude for the people who love me and have showed up for me in all sorts of ways this week3. I’m moved by the ways that my husband’s family are trying to take care of each other in the midst of loss. I’ve cried at unexpected times4 and also laughed harder than expected.
(Earlier this week, my husband was talking about how much his back was hurting and we were strategizing about how to help him get some sleep. My son, who was 1/2 listening to us, said “well, Dad, maybe you should see a doctor or something…” This was less than a day since he’d been released from the hospital and I don’t know if it was our collective sleep deprivation at play or just the sweet summer child nature of the comment, but we laughed so hard that my husband almost hurt his back again).
We’re still in the stage where it feels like life has a lot of moving pieces and we have some choices we need to make soon about when my husband will go back to work, how the travel arrangements to the funeral will go, how to keep showing up for my husband’s sweet brother from a distance. I still feel a bit discombobulated from the gap between the week I thought I was going to have and the week that I actually did have5. My husband is on the mend but I’m still worried about whether he is sleeping enough, whether he is pushing himself too much. Next week will be hard in a different way but I feel well loved in the midst of it and I’ll hold on to that with both hands.
***
A few things that offered some distraction this week:
This is heartbreaking and a more empathetic telling of the story of Bubba Copeland than I’ve seen before. The people who outed him have blood on their hands.
The strange story of a missing father and children in New Zealand
The words “Theoretically vacant” are troubling in a housing listing. This is a real estate listing that raises more questions than it answers.
Just a lot going on in this house. I’ve never seen animal print wallpaper quite like this… which is not a compliment.
Nike’s new Olympic track kits dropped and the comment section didn’t disappoint. My favorite was describing this as a “labiar of love”
The repair shop says it looks like I ran over something metal, but I don’t have any recollection of hearing or seeing that.
I’ve changed a tire before but it has been a long time and I (correctly) assumed that roadside assistance would arrive and change it in less time than it would take me to remember how to do all the things.
I’ll also note that the most polite power struggle you’ll ever see is between a Minnesotan who wants to help and a Minnesotan who doesn’t want to be a bother.
Listening to Taylor Swift’s song “Marjorie” on the way to taking my kid to soccer was a poor choice.
As I write this, I feel rather uncomfortable with myself for not acknowledging that I’m having a particularly bad week and there are plenty of people (including some that I love deeply) who have been dealing with harder stuff, for a lot longer. I hope I am doing half as good a job as continuing to show up for them the way people have shown up for me this week.
Both of those houses...just wow, but in entirely different ways. I think I'd get dizzy walking through that Nashville one.
This is my favorite read of the week/ you always have the best suggested reading. That Bubba Copeland piece was heartbreaking.