Reporting on My Triumph

And some Sunday Suggestions

Okay, here’s the thing: I have some news to share but I don’t want all of you feeling intimated by me or all over-awed by my accomplishments. I promise I will continue to be the very best at being humble, despite my recent triumph.

Yes, yes, the rumors are true. I *AM* the reigning Lake Mary minnow race champion.

I know, I’m impressed too.

This victory didn’t come easily.

First, I had to choose the best minnow from the giant bucket of minnows (and one leech that was terrifying my children). And by “choose”, obviously I mean “stuck in my plastic cup and hoped for the best when I finally trapped one.

Then I had to wait my turn in line, sizing up the competition for round one of the races. My competitor was steely eyed, there were rumors their minnow was juiced, the judge of the races was their grandmother, so the odds were obviously stacked against me, but I showed that six year old who was boss and advanced to round two.

Round two was closer but I dispatched that child with a class and elegance that only comes from competing in hot pink Crocs.

By the championship round, I was facing another adult and, as you can see in the picture, it wasn’t even close. My straw technique to herd the minnow was flawless, my focus impeccable. Did I let the sounds of the nearby root beer float station or the pressure from the crowd of tens of people distract me? No ma’am.

#EyeOfTheTiger

#ButWithMinnows

This is the fourth year that I’ve been coming on this cabin week with my friend S. and her kids and it is also the fourth year that someone from our combined families has won the minnow races (my son won the last time but has decided to retire and go out on top), so, yeah, it’s probably time to start throwing around the word “dynasty”.

I trust you are all as impressed as my non-native Minnesotan friend J. by my victory

(And for all my readers who found this Substack because of my posts about Instagram business coaches… have no fear, I’ll be launching my minnow racing mastermind coaching series soon. For only $799, you’ll have access to all my expertise, which will shared in a 4 minute recorded voice note that you can access whenever you need. For an extra $11,000 you can book a 1:1 consulting call with me and the 7 year old who came in third)

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When I wasn’t reading and making fish swim, I was into these things this week:

• Shout-out to reader Alycia for sharing this house listing that answers the question “what if, at every possible decision point, someone chose an ugly chair?” Also, the disconnect between the inside of this house and the exterior is WILD. Outside is suburbs, inside is Russian oligarchs mistress, right?

• I do not need this bag. I do not need this bag. I do not need another bag of any kind. But look at how cute this is!!! Also, I love this Richard Scary one as well.

  

• Heh. I do enjoy Queen Maxima and it’s 100% not surprising that she’d hate Trump on sight.

• What it costs to look like a Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader (relevant to your interests if you’ve already binged America’s Sweethearts). Glad to see that the maintenance that follows their rookie hair makeovers is free for them. Related: this video made me laugh (the accent is on point)

• Buying a swimsuit online is always a little bit of a risk, but J Crew is having some VERY good sales right now, so I’m getting this one for $6, which is a risk I’m willing to take.

  

• The new Netflix series Trainwreck is a delight if you enjoy documentaries where the phrase “shit show” can be applied to both a very bad cruise and a very bad politician